Fenomena Rambut Saya.

Dah tiga bulan rasanya aku tak menjejakkan kaki ke kedai mamak gunting rambut. Rindu pula nak dengar siaran radio tamil kat sana. Kadang-kadang dia orang buka siaran TV tamil pun aku layan tengok juga. Walaupun tiada sarikata, aku rasa aku macam faham sebab aku mesti gelak punya setiap kali pelakon mereka beraksi. Tapi aku gelak sorok-sorok la. Kalau aku gelak kaw kaw karang, sekali rupanya itu babak putus cinta, mau rasanya mamak gunting rambut tu tikam aku dengan gunting dia karang.

Sebab rambut aku dah lanjut usia, maka secara tak rasminya aku akan dilabel mengikut saiz rambut dan bukan lagi mengikut saiz perut. Aku rasa peratusan orang yang kenal aku pun sebab rambut aku saja. Aku rasa label saiz perut yang sasa ni dah jadi sangat klise. Orang pun malas nak mempertikaikan sangat. Aku teringat pula masa aku dan abah aku terserempak dengan member abah aku bersama anaknya. Seorang makwe. Aku dari MMU dia pun dari MMU. Abah aku biasalah, suka sangat menyakat, dia tanya makwe tu, seberapa kenalkah dia dengan aku. Dia bilang dia kenal. Luas kejap lubang hidung aku. Tapi aku bilang aku tak kenal dia. Dan memang aku susah nak ingat muka makwe-makwe random yang bertudung. Abah aku jeling anak matanya dengan aku. Mungkin dia ingat aku sangat popular dengan makwe-makwe. Tapi mengikut teori yang berjaya aku rangkul, mereka kenal mungkin sebab rambut aku yang carca merba. Tiada yang personal.

Aku teringat masa aku kecil dulu. Masa tu zaman suka baca Gila-gila. Aku cukup tak faham dengan fenomena rambut panjang kena potong. Kenapa nak rambut panjang? Kalau dah simpan rambut panjang, kenapa mak bapak mesti kejar satu kampung nak potong rambut anaknya? Sekarang aku dah faham aku pula buat begitu. Tapi sekarang zaman komputer mana ada dah fenomena berkejar satu kampung bawa gunting jahit baju. Ada pula di satu petang itu, aku terasa rajin nak ke kelas. Walaupun rajin ke kelas tapi aku terlupa pula nak sikat rambut. Pensyarah aku yang sangat konservatif orangnya memanggil nama aku untuk menanda kehadiran. Tapi kadar renungannya pada aku lebih 3 saat berbanding orang lain. Aku syak mesti dia terlupa nak bawa gunting jahit baju. Maka aku turut bersimpati dengannya kerana kami sama-sama pelupa. Walaubagaimanapun, setiap kali ke kelas aku mesti sebak rambut aku kebelakang kemas-kemas. Tanda hormat orang tua sebenarnya tapi hari itu aku tak sengaja, terlupa.

Kadang-kadang berambut panjang ini menarik juga sebenarnya. Boleh pula petang tadi ada makwe senyum dekat aku. Aku balas saja senyumnya. Sekali lagi aku syak makwe tu mesti terlupa nak bawa gunting jahit baju juga. Bukan nak guntingkan rambut aku, tapi mungkin dia nak bagi aku sebagai hadiah. Tapi mungkin aku menolak kerana aku tak mahu guntingnya tapi aku mahukan hatinya. Ah, dah macam novel punya ayat cinta pula. Tapi walau apa pun tujuan makwe tersebut, aku rasa bersyukur kerana aku tidak terus melompat atas kereta sambil mengkarokkan lagu Gadis Misteri kepada makwe tersebut. Mungkin dia akan berterabur lari tak cukup tanah meninggalkan aku penuh kaget ditemani bunyi unggas-unggas di celah lalang.

Ada orang kata, rambut panjang ni susah nak jaga. Tapi bagi aku senang nak jaga tapi susah nak sikat. Sebabnya kerana rambut aku mudah bersimpul. Kalau diteliti betul-betul, semua jenis ikatan dalam buku pengakap ada atas kepala aku. Mungkin tersimpul masa aku sedang baring dan mungkin juga tersimpul kerana di tiup angin deras. Kau kenal dengan Wolverine? Ha.. ini dia adik tiri Wolverine. Persamaan kami bukan lah dari segi kuku besi tapi dari segi rambut. Bezanya rambut abang tiri aku akan tercongek kiri dan kanan, tapi tidak aku. Rambut aku hanya tercongek sebelah kanan saja. Dan terjadinya congekkan rambut aku adalah pada setiap kali aku melakukan pemanduan jejaka ranggi tingkap terbuka. Mengikut prinsip Bernoulli, tekanan angin yang tinggi di rambut aku akan menyebabkan kuasa kuda kereta aku meningkat sebanyak 50 kuasa kuda. Banyak juga tu.

Tapi sebab aku berambut panjang yang paling ultima sekali ialah kerana aku sangat berhajat ingin pergi ke Konsert Search di Awan Biru pada 1 Ogos nanti. Karang tak nampak kemas pula aku pergi ke sana berambut pendek mengikut spesifikasi sekolah. Kalau tiada aral melintang, aku akan ke sana. Lirik lagu aku dah polish serba sedikit masa menaip post ini. Seluar koyak lutut aku dah basuh. Baju beli kat sana saja nanti. Oh ya, esok aku kena praktis jerit minta lagu kalau ada lagu smart Amy lupa nak nyanyi. Jaga kau Adib, aku tak ada nak kasi warning punya nanti. Hahaha.

"Kemarau di dalam dada." - Search, Fenomena.

My Absurd Idea.

I thought I give the television a chance today. And so I did. Luckily there is a movie worth watching for. It's called The Ramen Girl. Well, the storyline wasn't as good as your Oscar expectation but in some way, it tend to prove of what I have long expecting to do. Look, I love Japan. I wish I can go to Japan someday but not the point to live there forever. You know how much you hate your home country but someday you will missed it like crazy. Be patriotic once in a while.

Here is what I've imagine after a few puff of cigarette while looking at the sky outside of my windowpane. I though maybe someday I could stay there for about a few month and live there like a normal Japanese people. Doing various odd jobs. I will go there totally unprepared. So it will be like another chapter in Lost In Translation. Well, I knew a bit of Japanese and I think I could survive. But after watching Shinjuku Incident, it kind of made me want to change my mind. But what are the odds anyway? It's not like I'm gonna go there illegally.

Imagine this, you sick of your job and you just want to run away as far as you can. How about doing exactly as what I write before? Do you think it is possible? You know, you just take off without informing anyone. And upon your arrival, you start a log book of your own adventure. Just like the old times sailor. Write down every single things that happen to you. And maybe when you get back home, you could write a complete book about your journey and sold it to some other retards like yourself.

I wonder if I could pulled these off someday....

"Someday I'll be so damn much more." - John Mayer, Bigger Than My Body.

Radiohead - Just.

Kau orang pernah tengok video clip Just? Band Radiohead punya lagu. Aku rasa nak letak video tu kat sini, tapi selepas aku berfikir selama dua tiga saat aku dah rasa give up. Jadi kau orang cari sendiri lah dalam Youtube. Tengok dulu sekali lalu, kalau tak faham tengok sekali lagi, Kalau bengap sangat tak payah tengok. Buat perabis beras Cap Rambutan Jalaludin Hassan saja.

Apa kau pikir masa tengok video ni? Kau pikir apa yang brader tengah baring atas jalan tu cerita? Habis cerita, semua join brader tu baring atas jalan. Kalau dari segi imaginasi aku lah, brader tu macam dah dapat tahu atau dapat rasai satu kebenaran yang membuatkan brader tu sentap tiba-tiba. Tapi sebab brader tu 'founder' rahsia tu, maka dia pun ambil masa yang agak lama lah juga nak kasi telan semua. Tu yang jadi menung masa mandi, menung masa pakai baju dan last sekali baring atas jalan sambil menung. Macam segala harapan untuk hidup dah musnah sama sekali. Yang mendengar gorengan brader baring tu pun semua boleh jadi percaya. Orang UK patut undi brader tu jadi presiden. Konfem aman UK. Tak pun jahanam terus sebab semua jadi pemalas dan suka baring atas jalan.

Berbalik pada tujuan asal brader baring tersebut. Bagi teori permulaan, mungkin dia baru patah hati, putus cinta. Makwe beliau sangat 'Angel' sampai kan dia mengalami kemurungan kerana tidak dapat menghubungi syurga untuk membuat laporan kehilangan makwe kerana talian syurga 'engage' 7 hari 7 malam. Dan secara tak sengaja, brader tersadung tu pun baru 'clash'. begitu juga brader polis dan juga brader sistah yang lain. Lantas brader Thom Yorke pun berkata dari tingkat lima,

"Bollocks! Just because they've lost their bird that doesn't mean they could be lying on the fucking pavement! What a bloody twat!".

Teori kedua, Sebab brader baring ni dah angin satu badan pasal bebudak Radiohead duduk jamming kat rumah dia dua puluh empat jam. Lepas mandi pakai baju apa semua, dia nak pergi balai buat laporan. Tapi masa tengah jalan tu beliau mengalami kekejangan otot yang amat sangat lalu mengambil keputusan untuk baring serta merta. Dan apabila ditanya oleh brader sadung, brader polis dan brader sistah, beliau pun 'explain' kenapa. Habis 'explain' mereka semua turut tumbang kerana turut mengalamai masalah kekejangan otot tahap kritikal. Lantas brader Thom Yorke menjengah seraya menjerit,

"Oi mates! We've spread enough of swine flu right here! Lets get the fuck outta here before we get nicked".

Teori terakhir. Brader baring cukup terkesima selepas menerima satu telegram dari sahabat baik beliau. Menurut isi kandung telegram tersebut, sahabat baik nya kini sudah pun memiliki sebuah Bugatti Veyron. Oleh kerana brader baring amat lurus orang nya, maka dia terus percaya. Puas dia memikirkan bagaimana seorang student engineering berjaya memiliki sebuah Bugatti Veyron dalam usia yang sangat muda. Dia jual dadah ke? Dia buat MLM ke? Argh! Kusut fikiran brader baring. Jadi beliau pun terus baring atas jalan sambil meneruskan pemikiran beliau. Dan selepas disoal siasat brader sadung, brader polis dan brader sistah, mereka terus menunjukkan simpati dengan kebendulan brader baring dengan cara 'join' baring sekali untuk berfikir. Orang UK ni sangat 'caring' sebenarnya. Ada yang lain tu mengambil kesempatan sebab nanti boleh masuk berita acara pecah rekod dunia baring beramai-ramai atas jalan. Lantas Thom Yorke pun menjengah kepalanya keluar tingkap bersama 'bandmates' nya yang lain seraya berkata,

"Holy Shit! Oi Midon! You fucking liar! Look what've you done to them! You fucking tosser!".

"Comes like a comet, suckered you but not your friend." - Radiohead, Just.

Sentuhan Anti Midas.

Benda yang aku paling suka dalam dunia, duit. Tapi nampaknya duit paling tak suka dengan aku. Ibarat tepuk sebelah tangan tak berbunyi. Kau jangan reka cerita ada bunyi, bunyi 'swoosh' pun tak ada. Tangan kau bukan cap Nike nak ada bunyi 'swoosh'. Bila duit datang sedebuk dari langit, memang tak akan lekat lama dengan aku. Ada saja masalah yang melibatkan ringgit mata wang Malaysia. Aku rasa mungkin dari segi rekaan duit kertas yang sangat futuristik membuatkan duit tak sebulu dengan aku kerana rekaan jiwa aku sangat purba.

Masa sekolah dulu aku ingat aku pernah beli satu buku kira-kira. Buku yang merekod segala hal ehwal pebelanjaan dalam sehari. Tapi satu hari pun belanja dua ringgit, apa lah sangat yang nak direkod? Tak ada fungsi langsung kalau hari-hari makan nasi lauk ayam RM2 tak ada baki. Memang tak tercapai langsung matlamat buku kira-kira tersebut. Aku beli pun sebab idola kartunis aku, Dato' Lat yang lukis ilustrasi. Maka aku dengan secara bijaksananya menukar fungsi buku tersebut kepada buku conteng. Buku conteng aku bukan conteng sebarangan, setiap lakaran penuh berseni, macam buku nota Matematik Tambahan aku masa Form 4 yang penuh dengan tulisan Sanskrit.

Aku memang tak ada masalah langsung menggunakan nombor, selagi aku diberi sekeping kertas untuk melakukan operasi campur tolak. Cikgu Matematik aku masa darjah tiga dulu selalu denda aku ketuk ketampi sebab aku tak pandai-pandai mencongak. Walaupun berkali diketuk dan ditampi, aku tak pernah merungut pada orang lain selain dari diri sendiri. Bukan macam budak-budak sekarang, kena denda berdiri pun dah bilang mak bapak. Perangai macam laici. Mak bapak pun satu hal, terus mengadu dekat surat khabar tabloid tempatan untuk menuntut keadilan anak. Perangai sama macam anak, dua-dua laici. Macam mana laici pun mereka, aku tetap tak mahir mencongak sampai sekarang. Tadi masa aku beli buku pensyarah tanya berapa baki untuk buku RM75 ni? Aku jawab selamba RM15 sambil hulur RM100.

Bandingkan orang yang pergi kelas naik motor, aku memang bernasib baik sebab abah aku ada kereta lama yang dia tak pakai. Secara rasminya segala kerenah kereta ni, aku kena selesaikan. Baru 'indie'. Bak kata Pejal, tak 'indie' la pergi gig pun pakai kereta bapak. Dan bak kata Kecik pula, kau bila nak full servis kereta kau?. Bak aku kata pula, Aku tak nak servis kereta aku, nanti dia pecut macam Bugatti Veyron. Awal bulan hari tu aku baru ganti tayar seketul, dah botak dan benang terkeluar beserta pancit. Tengah bulan pula aku repair wiper punya shaft dan tukar mentol yang sudah tidak berfungsi. Ni malas aku nak lebih-lebih ni, baru kelmarin pun kereta aku meragam lagi. Karang aku tuang jugak garam dalam tank ni karang, buat cicah mempelam.

Gaya itu keunggulan. Walaupun Mundok tidak sebijak ini untuk mencipta tagline tapi aku dapat rasakan apa yang cuba disampaikan beliau ketika beliau sedang menghembus asap kepul-kepul donut sambil bersandar pada kereta di Kuala Berang suatu ketika dahulu. Mungkin beliau rasa dengan 'pose' tersebut makwe Kuala Berang seberang jalan akan jatuh hati dengan beliau. Aku pun merokok juga, tapi aku rasa segan untuk melakukan 'stunt' tersebut kerana ilmu belum cukup di dada. Tolak soal makwe, aku rasa aku memang perokok naga. Pantang ada peluang saja aku sedut. Masa tengah tulis ni pun banyak yang selesai disedut. Baru 'soul' A. Samad Said tu mari. Masa sesi perbincangan ilimiah di mamak jangan kira lah. Jumlah bahan bakarnya cukup untuk memanaskan secawan kopi! Aku agak sajalah, bunyi nya macam ngam saja.

Setelah sedepa panjang dan sehasta lebar aku menulis, kau mesti tak kenal dengan Midas kan? Bodoh sial kau... Orang suruh pergi tadika belajar, bukan menangis kencing dalam seluar. Mari aku sipnosiskan. Midas ni adalah seorang raja yang tamak haloba mengalahkan Haji Bakhil Bin Haji Lebai Kedekut. Oleh kerana obes nya beliau dan obses nya beliau dengan harta maka beliau telah dikurnia satu 'superpower'. Di mana setiap kali beliau melakukan 'direct contact' dengan jari beliau, maka seluruh partikel dalam objek yang disentuhnya akan menjadi emas tulen dua puluh empat karat. Nak tahu cerita selanjutnya kau Google sendiri, aku tak nak jadi cikgu tadika. Tapi makwe bekerjaya sebagai cikgu tadika aku mau. Sekian.

"Biarlah hantu, atau jembalang, balik kampung, tanam kacang." - P.Ramlee dan Saloma, Yang Mana Satu Idaman Kalbu.

Monolog Sekuntum Seroja.

Terpaku melihat sang seroja,
Kembang mekar di taman larangan,
Dipandang boleh di sentuh jangan,
Kenapa begitu hati berdetik?

Harum mewangi melirik indah,
Hati siapa yang tidak tertawan,
Hingga Si Buta turut mengaku celik,
Gusarkan seroja dipetik orang.

Kaki terkaku bibir terkebil,
Impikan diri seorang bangsawan,
Jalan bermegah tingkah tersisir,
Yakin melangkah ke taman larangan.

Kenapa sang rembulan bersinar,
menerangi seroja setiap waktu,
Mataku alpa dengan kilaunya,
Terlupa diri tersenyum sendiri.

Bangunlah dari lena petang mu,
Enggang mungkin bersama pipit,
Tidak soal dirimu yang mustahil,
Kerna sayapmu masih mentah.

Puas teman membanting tulang,
Kenapa tidak selinap senyap,
Baculnya jiwa takut tersentap,
Hijau rupanya hatimu ini.

"Setiap insan selalu terpikat, memandang teratai bunga indah." - Ramli Sarip, Teratai.

Kereta Gua.

Tempoh hari gua ke Melaka untuk jemput adik gua dari matriks. Gua gerak awal sehari untuk jenguk member-member lama gua. Gua kalau datang melawat memang selalu tak kena masa. Tiap kali gua datang, member gua sibuk nak periksa lah, balik kampung lah, memancing lah dan macam-macam lagi. Gua tak kisah pun. Janji gua dapat jumpa dua tiga member, sembang lebih kurang pun dah cukup.

Hari gua sampai Melaka itu hari, member gua semua sibuk nak tengok wayang. Tak kan gua nak melopong dekat Maple Bob sorang-sorang. Gua pun tempah lah tiket untuk malam tu. Nasib baik ada. Sudahnya malam tu separuh gerak dengan kereta gua. Dalam perjalanan nak ke sana gua memandu penuh steady sambil buka tingkap hisap rokok. Gua pandu slow saja, dalam 60 kilometer sejam macam tu. Sambil gua pandu sambil member gua yang lain berseloroh dengan Mundok. Tiba-tiba....

KELEKUNG!! TANG!! TANG!!

Terperanjat beruk gua! Gua syak gua terlanggar batang besi atas jalan. Tapi member gua kata ada benda bulat terjatuh atas jalan. Gua buat tak reti saja lah. Selagi gua bukan langgar manusia gua nak cuak buat apa. Sudah hisap rokok, gua pun tutup tingkap pasang air cond. Aduhai, air cond gua tak sejuk pulak! Macam celaka. Gua syak benda yang jatuh tadi mesti part dalam enjin gua. Lepas balik wayang, gua dan member gua kutip balik benda tu. Member gua kata benda ni untuk kompressor air cond. Gua turut berasa setuju kerana air cond gua tiba-tiba tak berfungsi. Esoknya gua jemput adik gua dengan rasa susah hati dan panas badan.

Hari ini, kelas gua kurang rancak, lepas lepak mamak, hati gua tergerak nak repair air cond. Gua ajak member gua sorang pergi survey kedai kereta. Kedai pertama gua pertama gua pergi memang kuat menipu macam keldai. Gua tunjuk compressor tu dari jauh saja dia dah geleng kepala. Suruh gua ganti baru satu set. RM200 lebih. Macam haram punya mahal. Kedai kedua gua pergi, dia kata nak ikat balik kompressor tadi, tapi lepas tauke dia jeling dia stret cakap benda ni magnet dia dah rosak. Check apa pun belum lagi. Harga nak tukar part ni saja dah RM120. Lagi macam celaka.

Dengan rasa tertipu, gua pun ajak member gua chow. Kemudian member gua teringat nak calling member dia, tapi member dia balik kampung pulak. Tapi member dia suggest gua pergi kedai bengkel belakang kedai makan dekat MFI. Gua sampai sana member gua terus tanya pak cik tua yang sedang sibuk menukar tayar. Pak cik tua ni sekali tengok dah tau air benda ni air cond punya compressor. Gua rasa terkejut bercampur kagum buat beberapa saat. Dan sekali lagi gua di suggest untuk ke kedai air cond di Kajang untuk servis yang lebih bagus dan spare part yang lebih murah.

Gua pun gerak ke sana. Cadangan pak cik tua tadi memang terbaik. Tauke kedai tu memang bagus. Tak cekik darah gua punya. Dia cuba check dan dia kata benda ni masih boleh guna. Siap dia servis gas air cond gua lagi. Semua sekali RM45. Gua nak mintak kurang pun segan pasal dia tak tipu gua. Dia siap kata nasib baik gua kutip balik compressor ni, kalau tak sah-sah gua kena ganti satu set baru. Selamat duit gua hari ni, kereta gua juga kembali tip top tahap kereta lama.

"Angan-angan ku disuatu masa, basikal kan ku tukar kereta." - Sudirman, Hidup Sederhana (Basikal Tua).

Self Revolution.

A brand new unpainted layout and a brand new unknown semester. The first class will started in a couple of hours and here I'm writing these thoughts. I just need to remind myself a few more times that I'm not gonna fucking lose this time around. I need focus. Yeah focus should be my new middle name.

I wouldn't ever to look into the past. That's a bittersweet history that I have to leave behind in a little space corner of my mind. Well, here I go now. My first step for a whole new glorious victory is to take some deep sleep for tomorrow morning classes. Good Night World!

"So I'll start a revolution from my bed." - Oasis, Don't Look Back In Anger.

Sweetness.

Why do most people likes sweet things? Why can't they just go for the other taste? Let alone bitter. I guess only a few handful of people in these world likes the bitter taste. And the reason for that is always in a way of losing something in order to learn some great lesson about life. Really, I honestly don't understand of what are them fight for. I guessed I do have my own teenage angst. It just that is a lot of different level then other teenagers. Although, I think I'm not a teenager anymore but a young adult. But there is no way of one young adult to be this unreliable to take care of themselves.

Actually, I'm in a phase where I probably should think that I should know a lot of things in a better way like some other people my age used to think. Networking with different peoples, provoking different thoughts... Herm, wouldn't that be great? As for myself, I've been put a wall in these for a past few years, and I think I should criticize anyone even though their action are fool enough to my bare naked eyes. Some people did choose a bitter path to go on with their lives just so they could meet their sweet endings.

But what am I doing right now is most probably what people used to called 'play it safe'. You know how a newly born baby clutching their hands because they wasn't ready to face the world and as soon as he can lifted his tenth finger, the they are ready to overcome what ever obstacles that awaits. And I still don't understand many things in the world. The abstract it become, the harder it is for me to concur. And there is one single kind of sweetness that I've yet to taste. A thing called love.

I've considered about this so many times. I hate the people that doesn't take these matter seriously as it was hard enough for me to understand. Far enough to realize anything. Maybe I'm not as sensitive as I though or maybe I was just running away. I love my freedom life, but sometimes I felt that something is missing in the whole process. Well, as far as the technology goes, people obviously have a mass kind of medium for them to learn about it. But I guess, unless you feel it first hand, you never know what it taste like. It's like you love sweet things but in the same time, you hate bitter things. You see, these two just can't work together.

Well, when you saw someone with an unpleasant attitude, you must've thought that he or she had a hard life. Maybe the cause of them being rebellious is just to show the world that they have nothing left to lose. And maybe deep down inside, their heart are just as soft as you're. It is just that they have always had a bitter experience in the past that they forgot how the sweet experience is like. maybe once you give them a taste of sweetness, they will shed an endless tears. Yeah, cry me a river for that to happen.

Being a super imaginative lad, I couldn't help it unless to visualize every important scenario of my action. That's why I am keeping the thought just to myself. Because most of the time the imagine outcome is unbearable. Lucky enough for me, since I have change to a new book, I've been playing around with these sort of emotion. Which come to conclusion that is we shouldn't use our imagination too much in decided things. Most thing if you're doing without thinking would most like to have a surprise effect. Just like when you are no natural joker then suddenly y0u thought of a joke and blurted it out and it turned out to be a deafening sounds. But sometimes people might said you're one mysterious wonder when you suddenly make a hysterical joke out of the blue. Well, that feeling is of refreshing doesn't it? Definitely sweet!

Anyway, enough of babbling, and I think I should change this blog's tagline for tommorow my new chapter will beginning at 8. On second thought, maybe I'll change it tonight as my juice has running out or what they called 'writer's block'. Hahaha. I hope I will done a lot better in these new journey of my life.

"Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time." - Des'ree, You Gotta Be.

A New Chapter and A Letter For My Future Self.

How many years has it been since my last fall down? I've have change to a new book since then. Chapter after chapter and the flips continues. Funny enough, every past chapters is supplied with tons of endless drama. Lots of promises, lots of changing and I'm going through every pieces of it with out even a slice chance of giving up.

I have changed a lot doesn't it? My attitude, my goal, and other things that I may or may not have realize. I believe some people would said that I'm the same as before but I would to disagree. No one know me best other than myself. Everything about myself. And honestly I don't give a shit about other thing besides myself.

I rarely talk about Malaysian politics nor world's affair. Because for me it was a total bullshit if I ever probe any further into that matters. Somehow I found myself were absolutely shallow about it and I would rather avoid the topics and talk about something with less tension. I had a deep jealously of the people who can talked about it freely and still can stand their grounds.

And I need to find a new title for my new chapter, which begin next week. With just a blink of an eye I am this close to enter the fifth chapter of my life. I am a bit frustrated because I can't remember the previous chapter's title nor that I save all of its content. Well, perhaps I will laugh to myself ten years from now after reading this entry. Hi me! Surprise! I hope you will not be as unsettling as me right now. Ah, may be I should write an entry to myself ten years from now.

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Dear 33 years old Kuntil Midon,

Hi, how are you now? Did my wish came true? Or does it still in progress? I hope everything is going according to plan. Well, I might not be the happiest you in history but right now I am pretty much content with my life. I've been avoiding myself from getting into the deep shit up until now. And I have all sort of trouble but so far, I've settle the personal nicely. Even though it is still a little bit shaky but I trust myself that I could handle it.

The significant others? I'm still searching for a better one and I hope you would not entangle in some out of love commitment that I found rather stupid right now. If you hate it, I remind you, you better fix it before it is too late. Just try to love once again and don't believe on any cliche fade away flames, you could just light it up once again using a cheap lighter and the burning is still the same.

How much clean income do you have now? Do you happen to be a millionaire in that age? Well, if you're on your way, I would like to remind you to always put your family first. Do not grow up to be a grouchy old man who can't remember his own birthday. If things got complicated, run for a while. Escape to somewhere other than that place. Find your inner peace and don't forget to comeback and settle the score once and for all.

Have you quit smoking by then? I hope so. But I doubt that I can now. Well, you know guys and their pride and talks and all. More importantly I'm going through the toughest phase of my life right now. There is a lot of things need to be settle ASAP. Anyway, I hope you will read this once after your 33rd somehow. Even you're already 69, it is still not too late to read these. But I'm hoping you still remember this blog address but just don't blindly start your car to find the house. It doesn't exist in your world grandpa. And remember, Kuntil Midon is just your pseudonym.

Yours Truly,
23 years old Kuntil Midon.

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"Kiss me now that I'm older, I won't try to control ya." - The Strokes, 12.51.

Simpati.

Rasa aman bila pandang.
Tiada yang tersirat, cuma tersurat.
Jangan kau rasa hiba.
Aku tahu kau mencuba.
Tapi cubamu itu beralas.
Sangat teratur tak rasa janggal.
Aku rasa aman.
Aku tidak terdetik menghulur.
Aku cuma gemar memandang.
Jangan kata kamu tiada siapa.
Buka mata luas-luas.
Pasti ada yang prihatin.
Larutmu masih jauh lagi.
Hirup nafasmu dalam-dalam.
Moga kamu lega menghembusnya nanti.

"Ku percaya nanti suatu masa, sang suria kan menyinar jua." - Allahyarham Sudirman, Pelangi Petang.

Angin.

Manusia takkan pernah puas.

Sekali angin bertiup, sekali itu juga jiwa melayang.
Angin lain bertiup jiwa mula goyah.
Runsing menghitung arah.
Tapi kadang-kadang jiwa kurang matang.
selalu terlupa perasaan angin lama.
Mungkin juga jiwa rasa angin lama tidak lagi bertiup kencang.
Tidak melayang semegah dahulu.
Jiwa tak tenteram, seperti diselimut tebal nikotina.
Ah, tiba masa untuk tukar angin.

"Saya ini pun bukan sempurna, tapi saya tahu." - Butterfingers, Tentang Tentang.

Gray.

I saw a hardworking man.
Struggle with every bit of his bones.
I did nothing, just paused.

I saw a timid woman.
Frowning to every bit of her problems.
I did nothing, just paused.

I saw a neurotic boy.
Sighing over a paper indefinitely.
I did nothing, just paused.

I saw an annoying girl.
Confuse with her choices indefinitely.
I did nothing, just paused.

I saw a sloppy guy.
Pretty dull and gray doing nothing.
I did nothing, just...
Shit! that was me.

"An exit to eternal summer slacking, but where were they going without ever knowing the way." - Fastball, The Way.

A Road To Millionaire.

Robert Kiyosaki keep telling in all his books, leverage this, leverage that. 0% money this, 50% money that. Get out of rat race, reach for the fast track. Honestly, I have exactly no idea of what his babbling about. I'm much of a technical person rather than manage-fast-talk people. There is countless of time that I remind myself to work hard to be a millionaire and a several times that I will talked about it. Some called me lunatic, some just smirked, and some said that I just wasn't cut out for it. Because I am one lazy bastard. Probably they saw me as a leaking glass which couldn't be half full or half empty, only full of empty air.

But one thing that catch my eyes, Robert did said that you have to pattern something to create. Yes, along that line. And I was thinking since I can't charm people with words, why not if I work on something that could be pattern? At this point, it was totally impossible. But somehow I will make it work. To create something that is useful for the human race. How can I make it happen? I have exactly no idea. And I wasn't the brightest among my friends let alone anyone in the world.

Settle down and have a normal life? Paying mortgage till I die? Huh, I wasn't that simple. Just that I'm now is your ordinary simple bloke which is useless to the society. Just like a deadly hairpin, only a few talented drifter managed to complete it. Genius is a gift, but talent is a lifetime full of hard work. Then I need to pick up my bones and start to work my ass off because a new semester will begin soon. Gosh, this is tiring. What a drag.

"If you raise the devil within me, the consequences shall fall on your own head! Once I begin, God help you!" - Nicholas Nickleby, Nicholas Nickleby.

Ayam, Kambing dan Beg.

Finally, I'm back online. After a few weeks of computer-less day I finally decided to salvaged an old house computer combined with a few part from my dead computer. The Windows is running but as expected the performance is a disaster. Lagging here and there even just for a simple task. I did tried update the driver, software, directX and all, but unfortunately there seems a virus that is prevent me to do so and it is beyond my expertise to repair it manually by command prompt even though it was properly instructed.

Apparently this salvaged computer seems to belong to some organization which automatically prevent the user from reformatting the system by prompting a password. Maybe I should swap the primary hard disk with my old hard disk. And if somehow the result is the appearance of the blue screen of death or even worse, some unknown component fried up like before, then I'm totally fucked up once again.

Well, I did made a proposal for a new set of computer like a spoiled rich kid. I am spoiled, but unfortunately I wasn't rich. It is already over six month since then, and I did proved my worthiness twice, sadly other than a few line of proud appreciation, I didn't received anything in return. Still it is better than nothing.

Oh, I can't wait to finish my studies and get a decent job and make a load of decent money. It just that I wasn't specially built to do vigorous low paid job. Trust me, I have tried. It's not about the ability to stand for hours, its all about ego and mindset. For the ego part, I couldn't help it but to think that my manager have less intelligence than mine. So according to that, I can't felt any inferior at all rather some stupid 'just-you-wait-superior-feelings' thought. And for the mindset part, It is rare to find someone who I can talked to. They'll just talk about the same thing which I can't digest any single thing from it. And I look like one dumb fucker out there. Is it just me that feel that way?

Well, it is not that I just befriended with the people who have the same mindset as mine. It is just that their mindset is on a different wavelength than mine. Just like VHF and UHF which both is on a way too different level but both is the darn telly signal of some sort. Oh, dammit!
I just wish a computer would fall from the sky for me now. But on second thought, please include a wooden box attached with a parachute so the computer will still in one piece when I receive them.

"You know what a chazzer is? That's a pig that don't fly straight!!" - Antonio 'Tony' Montana, Scarface.