A Common Mode Signal for Everyone.

Gah! Finally, a mid semester break!
Now I can take a little breather from my daily tight schedule. It's Sunday for a week!

I had a midterm test yesterday. As usual, I was half struggling with piles of notes the day before. Doing a lot of thinking to find a relevance for every topics. Thus, end up by memorising all the definition and formula. I thought I was ready for the test and I slept the night.

The very next morning, I checked my phone, I've got 3 new messages. From 3 different people with the same content. They've got a leak for the morning test. Great! This will be easy. And so I tried to memorise all the designated answers. After I finished my memorise everything, there is 1 hour or so before the test begin. So I thought to take a little break.

Oh, my brother is watching cartoon. And so, I joined him.

Two small characters holding hands and run across a field happily.

"I love you. Do you love me?"

What? Kids these days already exposed to love stories even before they hit their puberty. When I was little, I watch almost every cartoon that were broadcast on our local television and I never experienced with any love story in any of the cartoon. I guess. Neither did I understand the English back then. So I rest my case.

I asked my brother if he ever understand what have been said in these cartoon and he said yes. Okay, I am a late bloomer I guess. And I continue to watch the cartoon with him. I might learn about kids new perspective these days. And a thing or two about love I guess. Haha.

And so to my great dismay, it was actually about a kid who question about 'when did you know that you're in love'. So not your average adult romance novelity. It is a cartoon for godsake! What was I thinking?

I looked at the clock.

Gasp!

15 MINUTES MORE!

I speed up to the bathroom and took a very manly bath while I circulating the remaining time to reach the exam hall. I rushed everything. Wore all my gears and jumped straight to car. I wish I had installed a turbo engine by now but no. Stop dreaming and and push the paddle already.

Finally I reached the Exam Hall. The test already started about 15 minutes. I scanned the room to find an empty seat. I was a little bit frustrated because I saw all my mates already seat in a renegades manner. Sort by intelligence. I've missed our usual cunning plan.

And so I gave them a signal by clearing my throat. Which means, 'Any seat for me?'. Unfortunately my lecturer did answer my prayers by asking me to seat on an empty seat infront.

Que sera sera.

I sat properly and take out all my accessories. My lecturer came to me and did a correction on the question paper. I thanked her. As I'm about to finished my first question, my lecturer made an announcement.

"Masa tinggal lagi 15 minit."

My third time 'unfortune 15 minutes' for the day. I was stunned. I tried to calmed down but all saved formula in my brain were scattered all over. A frightful doubt suddenly raised in me. I am confused between inverting and non-inverting gain formula.

"Tak lah, saya bergurau saja. Masa ada 40 minit lagi."

Thank god she's joking. And so I rearranged all the formula and fully answered the remaining two questions. After I've done checking all my answers, there is 10 minutes more. So I devilishly decided to distract all the rushing people around me. An ordinary phsychotic distraction to be precise. Stomp the shoes, tap the pen, fake cough, clear throat, flip the papers to front page and slouch confidently. And so the test finally ends at 11.20 am. Everyone leaves the room.

"Amplifier B soalan 3 tu Feedback Amplifier kan?"

"Mana ada Feedback Amplifier, tu Buffer Amplifier lah."

"Tidakkk!!!"


"And then the renaissance came, the times continued to change" - Rage Against The Machine, Renegades of Funk.

Aku, Jalanraya dan.....

Aku ni memang tak pernah ada semangat tinggi.

Dulu cadang-cadang nak belajar petik gitar. Baru nampak cool kalau terrer main gitar. Bukan main semangat lagi search guitar tabs. Bila aku buka saja page ultimateguitar tu, cari lagu mana yang berkenan, aku pun start placing jari dekat gitar.

Aku strum skali, bunyi unta.

Tak puas hati, aku strum kali kedua. Bunyi keldai.

Ah! Menyirap sungguh darah muda aku. Terus aku sisipkan gitar kapok aku ke celah almari. Biar dia bikin sawang empat lima baris dulu baru aku cuba balik.

Samalah ceritanya dengan jalanraya.

Aku ni kalau memandu jalan yang aku lalu hari-hari, silap-silap Kimi Raikkonen pun tabik spring dengan aku. Memang tak reti langsung nak memandu secara berhemah. Tapi bila aku masuk saja jalan yang baru aku tebas, kereta budak-budak L pun boleh potong aku, siap dengan muka angkuh lagi.

Maka, tersebutlah kisah.

Pada satu hari yang penuh kebosanan, aku telah menerima satu SMS dari member aku. Nak minta aku hantarkan dia katanya. Katanya nak ke Kajang tapi nama destinasinya cukup asing bagi aku. Country Heights.Maka aku pun menghantar sehelai SMS ragu-ragu. Dia balas balik.

"Entah, aku pun tak tau dekat mana."

Oleh kerana aku dah naik bosan mengular di rumah, aku pun mebalas balik SMS.

"Takpe, nanti kita sampai Kajang nanti, adalah signboard nya tu."

Maka, aku dengan penuh konfiden nya menghantar SMS tersebut tanda setuju.

Tepat pukul 3 petang, aku start enjin kereta aku. Oleh kerana meter minyak aku sudah tidak berfungsi lagi, maka aku telah set kan trip pada kenderaanku ini. Aduh, tinggal 10 kilometer saja lagi. Jadi aku mengambil keputusan untuk 'pow' member aku duit minyak.

Aku SMS proposal.

Proposal diterima.

Tanpa berlengah, aku terus menekan pedal minyak. Girang kerana member aku sudi sponsor duit minyak. Setelah aku menjemput member aku dari rumahnya, kami bergegas ke stesen pam minyak. Member aku pun terus ke kaunter dan aku pun standby penuh ranggi di sebelah kereta.

Minyak diisi RM10 dan aku reset balik trip meter.

Kami pun terus bergegas ke destinasi berkenaan. Sampai saja ke pekan Kajang, aku suruh member aku call member aku yang seorang lagi, Encik Peta Malaysia. Menurut beliau, jalannya seperti hendak ke Tesco, cuma straight saja. Tak perlu belok ke Tesco.

Oh, senang sahaja. Kami pun meneruskan perjalanan seperti arahan yang diberi. Selepas saja lepas simpang Tesco, mata kami berdua meliar mencari signboard. Sampai ke sudah tak jumpa. Alih-alih bertembung dengan tol.

"Nama tempat pun macam high class je, mungkin lepas tol ni kita jumpa." Kataku penuh konfiden.

Member aku menangguk tanda setuju. Lepas saja tol. Mata kami kembali meliar. Sampai sudah juga tak ketemu. Tiba pula satu lagi tol. Aduh, aku mula rasa tewas. Tapi aku buat selamba saja. Jaga air muka depan member.

Semasa membayar tol tersebut, aku pun bertanyakan arah pada makcik tol tersebut. Nasib baik mak cik. Kalau makwe, mahu hilang ranggi aku hari ini.

"Dah terlepaslah dik." Jawab mak cik itu ringkas.

Aku pun berlakon mengerutkan dahi. Aku tunggu dalam sesaat dua lagi. Manalah tahu mak cik ni nak beritahu arah. Tapi muka mak cik itu tetap maintain statik. Tengah tahan gelak aku rasa. Aku terdetik ingin bertanyakan arah. Tapi setelah aku lihat cermin belakangku, muka brader kereta di belakang dah bertambah bengis. Takut kena hentak sampai tak boleh telan nasi, aku pun menekan deras pedal minyak dan beredar dari situ. Sedikit terkilan dengan perangai orang Asia masakini. Ah, aku pun begitu juga.

Selang beberapa meter keluar dari tol, member aku memberitahu bahawa ibunya ingin menukar lokasi drop-off. Lokasi seterusnya ialah Damansara. Rasa macam main Explorace pula.

"Oh, Damansara. Apa? Damansara??!!" Ujar aku penuh rasa kelat di hati.

"Boleh ke?" Tanya member aku penuh risau.

Demi tidak menghampakan member aku, aku mengiyakan saja. Cermin tingkap dibuka. Aku lantas terkumit2 menyeluk saku seluar aku megeluarkan sekotak rokok beserta lighter. Aku pun mencucuh api rokok. Masih lagi cuba kelihatan ranggi walaupun hati penuh cemas. Ah, bukan susah sangat jalan KL. Tengok signboard saja. Oleh kerana buta arah, barangkali hampir tiga empat tol puaka perlu aku rempuhi. Habis kering wang member aku disonglap dek tol puaka.

Sebelum tiba ke O.U, aku mencari stesen pam minyak berdekatan untuk menambah bahan bakar keretaku. Setelah tiba, aku mengeluarkan wallet aku untuk membayar di kaunter. Setelah menyelak wallet, baru aku perasan, selain daripada habuk, cuma dua notes warna biru yang tinggal. Celaka!

Sekali lagi aku berlakon. Kali ini menggaru kepala seperti terlupa ambil barang yang tertinggal di kereta. Aku dengan muka sekupang cuba 'memeras ugut' member aku buat kali yang penghabisan. Member aku yang aku tahu sudah kering pun terpaksa mencucuk di ATM. Rupa-rupanya dia pun sedang dalam krisis ekonomi seperti aku juga. Bezanya, dia kaya RM10 dari aku.

Selepas mengisi minyak, member aku mencadangkan supaya aku turut menunggu ibunya di O.U. Nanti bolehlah ibunya beri aku duit tol. Alamak, aku cuma berseluar pendek dan berbaju bundle. Segan rasanya nak melepak di kompleks membeli belah berpakaian begini. Tak ramai pula makwe-makwe yang dressing hebat-hebat di sana. Kalau aku berseluar jeans koyak itu lain lah cerita. Baru lah rasa rock itu ada.

Lalu aku pun menolak pelawaan member aku. Malas nak menyusahkan ibunya setelah aku menyusahkan mereka dengan kebutaan arah aku ini. Buat malu saja.

Setelah menghantar member aku ke O.U, aku pun beredar beberapa ratus meter dan parking di bahu jalan. Cuba memikirkan bagaimana untuk menyelesaikan masalah matematik ringkas yang rumit ini. Puas mencongak serta menampal-nampal cebisan peta di kepala, aku pun mengambil keputusan untuk menghubungi Encik Botak di Greenwood. Member aku yang paling hampir di tempat kejadian.

Aku pun terus menelefon Botak.

"Assalamualaikum. Ko kat mane bro?" Ujar aku separa sopan.

"Wa'alaikummusalam. Aku kat KL la beb. Apsal?" Tanya Botak kehairanan.

"Aku sebenarnya tengah sesat ni. Duit pun terkandas. Ko ade cash tak bro?"

"Hahaha.. Mangkuk! Macamana la ko ni. Takpe, ko datang jumpa aku kat Batu Caves. Ikut tol LDP tu ko straight jer ikut signboard Kuantan. Nanti ko nampak patung besar tu ko straight lagi naik flyover........" Ayat seterus Botak menjadi semakin samar difikiran.

Aku memang sangat-sangat tak boleh digest arah lebih dari 3 kali belok. Otak aku cepat buntu.

"Hah? Masuk LDP? Berapa hinggit sial dia punya tol?"

"Singgit nam jer bro."

Lega aku masih ada RM2 lagi. Aku pun terus ke destinasi seterusnya. Batu Caves. Setibanya di Batu Caves, sekali lagi aku cemas. Bersusun-susun kereta. Macam sarkas. Tapi aku cuba maintain cool dengan menstabilkan kelajuan paras konfiden. Aku tak mahu menyulitkan keadaan lagi. Lalu aku berhenti betul-betul depan sebuah pusat penerangan. Seberangnya Sekolah Tamil.

Aku berhenti.

Keluar kereta dengan muka samseng sambil menyalakan rokok. Aku bersandar pada kereta. Kaki disilang untuk markah ranggi. Lantas aku slide telefon bimbitku penuh gaya. Bertanyakan Botak arah buat bahagian yang kedua. Puas Botak explain tapi aku tetap bengap. Jiwa kacau memang dah tak boleh nak digest apa-apa. Lantas disuruhnya aku mencari Petronas berdekatan dan tunggu dia di situ. Aku redah selamba.

Aku tunggu botak di Petronas. Janggut sudah panjang seinci baru nampak kelibat Botak dengan BMW nya. Grand sangat gaya kau jemput aku ni Botak. Bisikku sendirian.

"Aper cerrr broooo???" Sapa Botak penuh sarkastik.

"Hehehe... " Aku cuma mampu sengih saja. Tak mampu nak membalas sarkastiknya dengan lawak sarkas aku.

Maka, Botak pun memberi aku RM30 untuk membeli bahan bakar kereta. Dia pulang ke rumah dulu untuk menghantar pulang BMW tersebut. Dan kami pun bergegas ke NZ untuk sesi melepak part one. Kemudian ke uptown Danau Kota pula untuk melepak part two kerana ingin berjumpa member seorang lagi yang baru bertunang. Sebelum pulang Botak memberi aku extra RM30 sambil memberitahu polisi-polisi bunga yang dia kenakan jika aku lewat membayar. Aku layankan saja lawak Along Bukit Beruntung nya. Orang dah tolong tak kan pula aku nak berseloroh lebih-lebih.

Kemudian aku pulang dengan penuh rasa selamat sambil membuka tingkap dan menghisap rokok untuk markah ranggi tambahan pada hari ini. Selamat kembali ke rumah dalam jam 2 pagi. Aku mandi dan terus hanyut diulit mimpi. Selamat Malam Dunia!

"Macam haram panjang punya post. Krem jari jemari aku." - Aku Yang Ranggi lagi Buta Arah.

Diorama.

After all these years,
I've learned to see the world differently,
I swam underwater and breath slowly,
I flew above the sky and breath freely,
Still, I loves to breath on my fairest ground.

After all these years,
I've damaged my track record badly,
I vigorously fixing the record,
I wiped the dust on both side of the record diligently,
Still, I tend to sound like a broken record.

After all these years,
I've seen so many gardens,
I run around like a careless child,
I lost my way home each time I stepped in,
Still, I dare not to pluck the flowers.

After all these years,
I've plastered all of my wounds,
I mend my pain in my sleep,
I treated every tainted scars as a dairy,
Still, I wake up to hurt myself once more.

After all these years,
I've met so many tired travelers,
I listened to every bit of their whine,
I share all my doubts with them,
Still, I didn't contrast the worthless complain.

After all these years,
I've tried to casts my own shadow,
I felt anguish every time its follow,
I fled each time I saw a flickering light,
Still, I am glued to eternity.

After all these years,
I've rebuild my reputation,
I liberated myself from the crooks,
I capitalized my good deeds toward others,
Still, I destroy it all with a single snap.

After all these years,
I've bottled all my thoughts in a sealed capsule,
I let it drift across the wide ocean,
I hope that it will reach someone someday,
Still, I can't save my own soul.


"Playing like a scared enthusiastic pawn." - Silverchair, After All These Years.

Monolog Sibuk Si Pendusta.

Bila saya mula sibuk, sekeliling saya mula jadi serabut.
Timbunan coretan harian sudah makin tak terkawal.
Setiap bit abjad yang dilakar sering bertukar gaya.
'Double You' dan 'Omega' kerap mengalami kekeliruan identiti.
Sering kali bercanggah fungsi.

Bila saya mula sibuk, saya mula huru hara.
Jarum jam sangat cemburu kepada saya.
Jarum minit pun jelak, apatah lagi jarum saat.
Bencinya pada saya sehingga berlari pun tak cukup tanah.
Mereka tiga saudara memang sepakat.

Bila saya mula sibuk, logik suka menyakat.
Segala cadangan akal dibidas kemas.
Bila pendapat akal dilimitasi, dia cepat cemas.
Sudahnya akal selalu mati kutu.
Tunduk pada logik yang selalu bias.

Bila saya mula sibuk, segala benda berubah anatomi.
Anatomi nya ibarat lakaran yang penuh hambar.
Rias telefon bimbitku tak ubah seperti Winston 20's.
Kunci rumah seringkali disalah sangka.
Merajuk pula kunci kereta.

Bila saya mula sibuk, saya mula tidak peka.
Potret sekalian manusia seakan sama.
Puas perhati namun terleka jua.
Radar BPR juga semakin susut radiusnya.
Tapi labelnya tetap sama, My Unintended.

Bila saya mula sibuk, jejari suka terkebil.
Selalu meronta hendak berdansa.
Tapi saya tidaklah setanding Obama laranya.
Sesekali masa emas ini terembas juga.
Apalah sangat dengan sibuk buatan ini.


"A cloud hangs over and mutes my hapiness" - Incubus, Anna Molly.

Pop of The Top.

Its the nerd's season again!

For the past 6 month, I've been climbing this mountain. It is so tiring and my body and soul is worn out. But after many severe occurrences, I manage to reach the peak. God, feelings is awesome. I take a deep breath. Satisfy with my first great achievement after being a sore loser for so long. Then, I sit down for a bit. I seems to forget about every single obstacle that I had been trough.

I pinch my cheeks once. I pinch my cheeks twice. This is not a dream, it is reality. I even couldn't believe it myself. As I sit down, I start to think about my next target. Another Golden Dreams. What should I do from now on? I rack my brain. Unfortunately, nothing cross my mind. Ah, forget it! I will think about it later. I should set up my camp first.

A week later.

I feel comfortable living up here. The air is clean and fresh. And it makes me feel much more alive than ever. I think I should build a house up here. I'm not going anywhere. This is my sanctuary from now on. I start to gather all my tools and begin to build the house.

A month later.

I wake up from my sleep. I go outside and strolling around my house. Then suddenly I see a human flesh lying on my yard. She looks tired. Must be another mountain hiker. I try to wake her up. But she won't budge. Shit! I hope she still alive. Then, I take her inside the house. Lay her on my bed and pull a blanket for her.

Then, I go back outside. Waiting for her to regain her consciousness. About three hour later, she finally wake from her deep sleep. She seems puzzle and straightly shout for someone. I answer her call.

"Thank god, there is someone. Hurm... Is this your house?"
"Yes."
"Really? Are you the one who save me?"
"Unfortunately, yes."
"Thank you so much. I really appreciate it."
"No. It's nothing. I've been dying to talk to someone for a long time."

She paused. She is more puzzle than ever.

"How long did you live up here? Since you were born?"
"No. About two month I guess."
"What??!! Don't you want to come back to your life before? Meet your family, friends?"
"No. I believe I don't."
"But why??"
"I don't want to tell you. If I tell you, you will regret it later."
"Huh! Some bizarre things happen? No, seriously. Tell me. I insist."
"No."
"TELL ME!!!"

And I tell her the whole story. From A to Z. She seems surprise yet a little bit puzzle by my story. She didn't utter any single question and listen to me very closely. After I finished, she didn't say anything. She walks around and stare across the window. She chuckles. And then, she begin to laugh. Is she gone nuts?

"Oh god. Seriously. You got to follow me back. Return to your home."
"Huh? Why? I thought you understand me?"
"No. I understand you. Honestly. But you have been hallucinating. It is your illusion for godsake! Good thing you told me all about it or else you will be trap here your whole life."
"Really? Is it okay for me to go back?"
"Yeah. Trust me. Now, pack your things. We will leave first thing in the morning."

She didn't explain why. But I can see that see speaks the truth. So, the next morning. We both leave this mountain. My heart still hesitate but I muster all my courage to leave my this mountain for good.


"I've seen angels fall from blinding heights." - Chris Cornell, You Know My Name.

Unnecessary Guilt Strikes.

"Does anyone seen my portable device? Or did any of you mistakenly took it? You know, I will never bless anything I've teach to that significant being who took my portable. Even if he or she did pass on my subject, I hope that he or she will never succeed in life. That anonymous has made my life miserable! Sigh, I don't know. Student in this learning facilities were all rude. Never respect us, lecturers. I'm not saying it was you, but most of them are. They were just very rude! Do you think you will found any test paper in there? My whole work was in there. For godsake! Whoever took my portable should return it too me as soon as possible. No worries. I will definitely forgive you."

Oh, poor you. I hope that chap will soon return it to you. I hate too see you suffer and can't concentrate to educate us. I did took sympathy for you before but when you had that sudden urge of punish'em all vibe, I just can't help it but not to feel sorry for you. Honestly, I didn't ridicule your action much. But your speech did put an arrow in our heart. Were are no longer kindergartens. We can see right through your civilize act.

At first impression, I thought she was cool and awesome. That I will have a smooth sailing life during her ruling era. She is one wise queen. I hoped that she will passed on all her wisdom to us commoners. But i'm hugely mistaken by my poor judgment. Apparently, with a short speech like that, has turn over as her era as reign of terror. No more sweet excuses will be entertain. She now have become a souless ruler. Did her job for the sake of herself or it seems to be.

I'm sorry. Your are out of favor my dear queen. I never left your side before, even after that peircing speech. Not until you can't tolerate my little mistake. Thus wasting my effort to gain part of your wisdom at that particular day. I had decided to leave your party for good. Now I'm offically on the opposition. I will follow straightly all your order just to make my own way to stardom until your reign is over.

"Cried a river and drowned the whole world." - Story of a girl, Nine Days.

Butter, Latte and Guava.

After a few months of blogging in an isolated blog sphere, I finally decided to enter the so-called 'mainstream' blog sphere. I have a few thought to start blogging here before but I think I don't like my thought being read by anonymous person. But when I'm comfortable with the blog world, keep publishing my thought. And once again, I thought, what the hell? What the worst could happen? And the most important thing is that I can express my most inner thought to every single living soul around me. Or anyone who suddenly happen to stumble upon my blog.

But honestly, I'm quite fuzzy with all the HTML layout thingy. But I'm getting the hang of it. Still learning bits by bits. Picking up every pieces along the road. The other thing which attracts me more to join the blogspot is because I have such a liberty to design the blog other that expressing myself. I wish to decorate this blog as lively as I can. Lively by my definition of course. Alive alive-o. And I hope that the creativity garden of mine will keep blossom from time to time as I discover a whole new level of technologies.

And lastly, a disclaimer. I love to write in these colonial language and I always write it long. Even though sometimes I'm lost for vocab, my grammar is everywhere and not as linguistic as your literature. You can shove yourself elsewhere for all I care. However, I will try to write as decent as I can and lessen the usage of foul words. My words can be an unbearable symphony sometimes. And of course, I love to write in mother language too because language is my passion. Yet.

"Better late than never." - Titus Livius.