Monday, November 7, 2011

Others life beside yours.

You know, to get involve in someone else life is kind of a big deal. Once you get to know someone, you will tend to get close to them, get to know people around them, and of course, you will also get to know their personality. Once you're attach to them, it is kind of hard to let them be by themselves. I dont know where this sense of attachment came from. And it's killing me now. You just cant forget someone easily.

I know, I know very well that I'm going into the depth of hell when I started to get to know her. I know well of the consequences. But still I'm willing to jump into the fire. Burning myself night in, night out. It has been quite a while and honestly I never got tired of her. I know that I foolishly give all my heart to her. But then she seems to have issues with relationship. And for the first time of my life, I felt heart broken. No matter how though a guy is, they always shed a tears for the one that they love.

I know it is hard for her to make a decision. Every single I told myself not to push her for an answer. But I always couldn't help myself. I always find a way to go deep into her heart in hope that I could found her majestic heart. But it seems her heart is full of unfamiliar thorn that pretty much scarred her mind. Paranoid and trauma of past experience made her unwilling to accept me. Or is it me that she is unsatisfied with? It is a single puzzle that I can't solve.

Her behavior towards me, It seems all positive. She even carry along the only present that I gave her. You know, someone couldn't bother to bring them everywhere if they doesn't love you. But the 'best friends' status really hurt my feelings. Everyday I act all positive and casual in front of her. But in fact, I'm afraid of losing her.

It has come to my attention that she still seeking for the best person to make her life partner. And at this point, the uneasiness is chopping my heart like crazy. Am in the KIV status? what is she waiting for? It has been month you know. Although she had explain her current difficult status which I choose to believe, still I'm unsatisfied with her answer.

Crying because of me, always replied my texting, bring anywhere my present for her. What is she thinking exactly? I know she doesn't chase after me. Even when she said 'rindu' or 'sayang', I always felt she not saying that with all her heart.

What boggles my mind the most, is when she said I'm the one that understand her the most. It almost made me cried just to hear it. I swear a lot in my mind at that time. What exactly does she meant? And she always said that if only she had been given the chance to get to know me well or being serious with each other, she will wholeheartedly agreed to it.. I know very well that she had commitment issues.

Being with her is really fun. I always feel happy when we both go out together. But the fact that she hate commitment really breaks my heart. I always want to give up. But I just don't have the heart to do it. For the first time in my life, I dare to get close to the girl I love and this is how it turns to be. The world is damn unfair. Full of drama.