Entah.

Gua yang semakin tak rock.

Cinta.
Hati siapa tak mahu rasa cinta. Banyak liku-liku yang terpaksa dilalui untuk mengenal hati budi seseorang. Berapa lama kau dah bersedia untuk serius, si dia pula yang tidak bersedia. Apa yang difikirkan aku pun tak tahu. Masih fikir untuk berseronok lagi kah? Masih dibuai rasa takut kisah silam kah? Sukar hendak membuat pilihan kah?

Hati perempuan. Lelaki mana yang master bab-bab ni? Hati kena kering ke? Kalau hati tak kering macamana? Aku mengaku hati aku memang tak kering. Susah sial nak kering hati kepala kau suka fikir macam-macam. Sial.

Kata sayang, kata rindu. Tapi gaya tak serupa yang dikatakan pun. Okay, mungkin lah pernah berkorban sekali dua untuk aku, tapi kalau tengok perangai tu kadang-kadang, rasa tak berkenan saja. Bila ditegur mula tarik muka. Nak cakap gua tak kisah, gua kisah la juga.

Banyak benda yang gua kisah sebenarnya. Bila si dia ucap, kata boleh terima baik buruk dia. Kalau ada benda dia buat kita tak berkenan, takkan tegur pun salah? Bila gua dah buat gaya sayang, gaya ambil berat mula la naik kepala. Perempuan, gua betul-betul tak mengerti. Gua sayang dan cinta sepenuh hati tak cukup lagi kah?

Patutkah aku tinggalkan dia? Patut kah? Dia nampak tak kisah langsung. Kisah kah dia? Aku rasa nak mencarut kalau begini akhirnya, "Awak tak tahu betapa saya cintakan awak sebenarnya. Tapi awak yang buta tak nampak cinta saya. Kalau lah awak sanggup tunggu saya." Tak boleh blah gua. Kalau situasi di mana gua melepas makan asap pula bunyi begini, " Maafkan saya kerana tidak dapat membahagiakan awak, walau macamana pun, saya tetap sayang awak sampai bila-bila." Perghh, kalau gua dapat ayat macam tu habis semua meja yang gua jumpa gua rasa nak terbalikkan.

Entah la.

Kadang-kadang gua rasa fedup bercinta ni. Kadang-kadang gua rasa lemah. Belum pernah lagi gua rasa kuat setakat ni. Cibai. Apasal lemah sangat gua ni bila masuk bab bercinta?

Macam ni lah plan gua. Andai dia baca sekali pun post gua pun gua tak kisah. Apa ya plan gua? Gua takda plan....

Selamat malam.

Have a little faith.

Dear God, Help me. Please.

Prejudice.

Prejudice is making a judgment or assumption about someone or something before having enough knowledge to be able to do so with guaranteed accuracy, or "judging a book by its cover".

Source: Wikipedia

It's been a while folks. I think that I'm gonna stop blogging since I have become far more busy than ever. But I can't. You know, I am a man who can clearly gather my thought straight. All the bad thought before this, all the rant, the whining, the unsatisfied things I left it inside this blog. Since I stopped blogging, my life has become upside down. I can no longer think clearly, I speak before I think, and I had become a bloody prejudice person. And the thing that made sway that way is love.

Thank god I have never fallen in love during my studies. It is like Heaven or Hell things when you involve yourself with love. I think that I'm ready, but then again, who is ready when it comes to love. Only experiences that can make you grow stronger. Have faith. But the bloody thing called faith is not something that everyone is blessed with. I'm trying to think positive, but I just can't. Why is that? When did I have become this low?

I sometimes wonder where did my special speech go. It went like these, "Jangan risau lah. Semuanya akan okay nanti". Well, it did work for the exam, but it never work for love. To trust someone is like to put the tip of a sword directly to the heart. You know you could always ask the significant other but there is some factor called pride is involve in this game. You tried to be cool and not to show that you care too much. But you just can't. There is a always a 'What if'.

Bullshit.

I know that women loves to be care by someone. But sometimes I'm afraid she will suffocate if I show that I care too much. And sometimes I'm afraid that I'm gonna be left with broken heart. Is this normal to you? Is it? Being a human, you tend to listen to what others gonna says. Then you will judge without asking or investigate, then come the prejudice question and the fight will start.

Manly tears. it sound kind of macho in certain ways. But trust me. It is not. Maybe it is easier if you had a switch to your heart. When you wanna leave someone, you just turn off the switch and everything goes blank to right before you know her. Every event with her is a blur. How I wish I could do that. Because this has become too much for me. I'm afraid to let go and I'm also afraid to be left alone. How suck is that?

I saw that other guy are cool with their love one. And someone did said that drama is just for kids. How I wish a have a 'hati kering'. Go to hell with everything. I'm on my own now. I once said to myself that I would never ever trust someone. Not even in the tiniest bit of trust. But when love happen, you just can't help to say that you trust her completely. How stupid is that. In the end, you just can't put your trust in her. Is this the end? Should I stop before I got hurt even more? Should I become a jackass and ask her everything? Is she being straight with me or just play with me? So just she could filled the void in her heart?

Demmit!

Others life beside yours.

You know, to get involve in someone else life is kind of a big deal. Once you get to know someone, you will tend to get close to them, get to know people around them, and of course, you will also get to know their personality. Once you're attach to them, it is kind of hard to let them be by themselves. I dont know where this sense of attachment came from. And it's killing me now. You just cant forget someone easily.

I know, I know very well that I'm going into the depth of hell when I started to get to know her. I know well of the consequences. But still I'm willing to jump into the fire. Burning myself night in, night out. It has been quite a while and honestly I never got tired of her. I know that I foolishly give all my heart to her. But then she seems to have issues with relationship. And for the first time of my life, I felt heart broken. No matter how though a guy is, they always shed a tears for the one that they love.

I know it is hard for her to make a decision. Every single I told myself not to push her for an answer. But I always couldn't help myself. I always find a way to go deep into her heart in hope that I could found her majestic heart. But it seems her heart is full of unfamiliar thorn that pretty much scarred her mind. Paranoid and trauma of past experience made her unwilling to accept me. Or is it me that she is unsatisfied with? It is a single puzzle that I can't solve.

Her behavior towards me, It seems all positive. She even carry along the only present that I gave her. You know, someone couldn't bother to bring them everywhere if they doesn't love you. But the 'best friends' status really hurt my feelings. Everyday I act all positive and casual in front of her. But in fact, I'm afraid of losing her.

It has come to my attention that she still seeking for the best person to make her life partner. And at this point, the uneasiness is chopping my heart like crazy. Am in the KIV status? what is she waiting for? It has been month you know. Although she had explain her current difficult status which I choose to believe, still I'm unsatisfied with her answer.

Crying because of me, always replied my texting, bring anywhere my present for her. What is she thinking exactly? I know she doesn't chase after me. Even when she said 'rindu' or 'sayang', I always felt she not saying that with all her heart.

What boggles my mind the most, is when she said I'm the one that understand her the most. It almost made me cried just to hear it. I swear a lot in my mind at that time. What exactly does she meant? And she always said that if only she had been given the chance to get to know me well or being serious with each other, she will wholeheartedly agreed to it.. I know very well that she had commitment issues.

Being with her is really fun. I always feel happy when we both go out together. But the fact that she hate commitment really breaks my heart. I always want to give up. But I just don't have the heart to do it. For the first time in my life, I dare to get close to the girl I love and this is how it turns to be. The world is damn unfair. Full of drama.

Kosong.

There is a lot of things that I disagree, I didn't like, I'm not satisfy. I do feel complaint about it. But I'm more like to keep it to myself or just a short talk of teh o ais. You know, everything in this world is bullshit. Not everything but some, i think mostly. To picketing about it is stupid too. Waste energy, waste time, not funny. Stand for something or you will fall for anything. Hah, stand for something with a picket sign is definitely not gonna work.

I thought i'm out of my mind. Thinking of wicked things all the time. Sometimes I do have half a mind to whack somebody. It is just my common sense come in my way. common sense with a lot of fear. In other word, a sissy coward.

You know what. Why it is so hard to get a job that we want? What is wrong at being choosy? Did we need to accept any jobs that come our way just because we are fresh graduate? hell no. I refuse to be a lame cow who follow anything that moves. Why must every HR dude must be an ass every time they interview someone? To test us? really? or you just vent all your deepest anger towards us? kamon lah.

Money. I face a lot of deficit since my car broke down last week. I thought I could survive without work until next month. But no. Fuck it. But to rant about it in facebook is kind of annoying. Even when I do it I found myself annoyed. Or I just like to pissed of anybody.

Facebook. Lately I noticed a lot of people trying to uptown themselves like they are some sort of high class or something. Some serious all work politician wannabe, some stupid emo bimbo who watched 90210(is this the right code?) beverly hills or one tree hill or something to that matter. They are emoing like every said things by men is a lie. kemon la. And for the guys who talks in Malay are considered low class and rempits. Lu pun makan belacan kot.

For the politician wannabe. All serius kinda dude. Serius a poyo who cant take a joke. Please loosen up a bit. No one will call you tak matang if you acted like kids once in a while. Damn it. If I comment in a joke manner. They would ignore me. Or sometimes I try to being serious, still no response. Why? because we social outcast are not living according to their standard. Tak matang.

Another thing, it soon come to my attention that people with money are like they are living on cloud nine with silver lining serve in silver platter. Just because you had more money than me right now doesnt mean you are allegedly to look down on me. Or be less friendlier with me. It does bring me back to a gathering that I stupidly attended to. I felt like an idiot attend that gathering. Of course some are nice, but mostly are not. I dont know, maybe it is just me. But people sometimes doesn't take me seriously. Fuck them to for all I care.

One more thing. I am no longer to bother accepting any friends from my old school who I never known or remember your existence anymore. The one that I never talked to is the worse. Why? just to add more friends just to look fancy? or you wanna rub somethings in my face just to prove your point that you hated me? OK lah not hate, just unconsciously berlagak.

I've come to term that friends will no longer be friends if you dont contact them anymore. that is fact. Even you're the bestest friends in the world once. But with time, you will come to drift apart. Please accept that. No one can handle being friends forever okay? It is called being nice. If being nice is ignored as well, well go fuck yourself. BFFF? LOL.

My life. I always dream of doing something insignificant to my country. To the world or for the human races especially. To much watching movies I guess. Fantasize the beyond my ability. At least I am too damn aware of any scam. I dont move a single muscle when I saw any bogus boogeymen trying to contact me by the internet. For me, contacting across world wide web is full of sham. Ditto on internet hook ups. Bullshit.

Sometimes, I feel that 90's is the best year ever. No complex pressure. Everything is easy. The internet is at minimum used. Handphone is for the able, not for fancy tard. Did you realize that your status depends on what car did you drive and what phone did you used? People are judgemental. Every last one of them. If they cant see your car, they judge your phone first. Or maybe your clothes. This son of bitches had no style and he is fat to boot. Fat is not handsome I tell you. And being penniless just made it worst.

You know I could easily get uncomfortable eating at fancy restaurant. But I guess among my not so many friends, just one who willing to invite me eating at a fancy restaurant regardless my poor sense of style. Seriously. I am not asking for you to invite me there. Just mamak is okay by me. But when I've been invited to such an alien place for me, I'm thankful. I will never forget your kindness until I die.

I decided to change my life. No more buts. A soon as I score a job, I only devote myself to work. A workaholics. Planning on getting and making every cent that I could. I am tired of acting being okay all the time. Deep inside I'm just miserable as any miserable dude out there.

All my melodramatic trouble will end as soon as I wake up. Maybe because it is late night. Sort of fuck up my mind. I will a nice person once again tommorrow. Good night. Cheerio!

Annoying Tunes.

Gua hari-hari masuk kerja saja kena tadah lagu senam jepun. Muak lah shial. Sesetengah orang buat pekak saja. Kepala gua selalu main muzik, kalau gua termenung pun bunyi muzik kat kepala, sekali sampai kilang, dengar pula lagu tu, habis lari theme song dalam kepala gua.

Eh, celaka. Dah pukul dua. Gua nak baring pandang siling kejap.

The Last Chapter.

Dah lama gua tak update blog gua ni. Asyik sibuk sama duniawi, siberwi gua dah tak layan mana. Kadang ada teringin mau update. Ye lah, biar pun rage penuh di dada, tapi bila balik kerja, penat, malas rasa nak perangat kepala. Hari-hari duduk simpan dalam dada.

Ni la pengalaman first gua kerja. Sebelum ni kerja McD tak kira. Gua kerja sebulan, gua rasa tak boleh pergi, gua chow je. Kerja ni ada betul sikit landasannya. Tapi kali ni, rock ke tak rock, gua tadah jer. tak boleh nak ikut kepala gua suka-suka nak chow. Praktikal bhai.

Hari ni gua MC. bangun tidur terus gerak klinik ambil MC. Time belajar dulu, bangun je buka facebook, stalk manusia lebih kurang, text member ajak minum. Sekarang dah tak macam dulu. Memang kuat lah terkenang-kenang zaman dulu sekarang ni. Kumat kamit sorang-sorang pun selalu. Dah macam orang tak waras.

Gua tak tahu lah macamana gua nak nilai praktikal gua ni. Apa bagus nya gua tak tahu. Yang gua tahu, gua kena buat benda sama tiap-tiap pagi. Lepas tu troubleshoot mana boleh sana sini. Paling gua sakit sekarang, nak fikir projek. Hangus kepala gua cari idea.

Mula-mula dulu semangat lah. Sekarang dah suam-suam kuku. Ada idea tu ada lah sikit. Tapi kepala gua fikir, idea gua sampah. Tu belum orang lain fikir lagi tu. Konfem taraf najis. Gua ingat nak settle kan proposal projek gua hari ni, tapi bangun pun dah tengahari, ambil MC, cari barang keperluan, lepak minum, tengok drama Melayu, layan facebook, makan nasi, dah masuk malam. Update blog pula tu.

Fedap betul nak kerja esok. Redah saja lah gua fikir. Gua tak ada pun tak ada siapa nak hirau. Maybe umpat gua lebih kurang, lepas tu sambung kerja balik. Ni gua berbelah bahagi. Nak ke tak nak buat proposal ni. Karang kalau terbelah dua proposal ni terjun masuk tong sampah, menyirap pula rasa. Dilema betul.

Kaki gua pula, dah tak rupa kaki orang dah. Kalau nak kata gedabak tu memang dah biasa. Tapi sekarang dah terkupas sana sini. Hari-hari sarung boot ketat. Kental betul kaki gua. Tapi hati gua je tak kental. Tak berapa nak kering. Taman sangat. Dah macam wonderland. Kena kutuk sikit je dah berdesing gegendang telinga gua. Ingat gua ni bodoh alang kelabu asap ke apa?

Orang kata, lumrah lah semua tu. Tapi entah lah. Gua rasa macam celaka jugak la sistem macam tu. Tak adil. Tekanan emosi. Rasa nak buat revolusi tempat kerja pula. Minda orang tua sekarang tak boleh pakai. Tapi akhirnya, kata-kata orang tua juga yang betul. Itu yang gua tak gemar bila dah terkena batang hidung sendiri.

Dah. Gua nak tidur.

[Misery] Exam and FYP.

Please put me out of my misery...

- I am in misery, there ain't no other who can comfort me. - Maroon 5, Misery.

Run away.

A few more week to go.

Project #1.

Ah, gua dah berasap satu kepala.

Angin satu badan.
Mata merah menyala.
Payah betul nak research projek baru.
Dari tadi gua smoke tak berhenti.
Teraba-raba cari solution ideal.
Paru-paru gua dah padat dengan nikotin.
Gua dah mati akal.
Apa lagi idea yang gua ada?
Minggu ni punya task tak complete lagi.
Masak gua macam ni.
Ni yang buat gua bara sama Pak Cik Einstein.

Tak Teratur.

Aku kalau ada masalah ke, jatuh basikal ke, makan nasi ke, pekena teh ke, mimpi ke, semua aku tulis dekat sini. Dekat sini juga aku campak aura negatif yang ada supaya aku boleh kekalkan 'game face' aku. Aku kadang-kadang dapat rasa orang pandang aku macam tak ada masalah. Siapa yang tak pernah ada masalah. Semua orang ada. Semua orang pernah. Jatuh basikal, makan nasi, pekena teh, mimpi, semua orang mesti pernah punya.

Aku tak tahu lah. Hati sendiri pun aku tak tahu ini kan pula aku nak tahu hati orang lain. Ya, aku memang suka baca orang. Tapi tak selalu apa yang aku baca tu tepat. Aku yakin saja lebih. Buat apa pun semua aku yakin sekarang ni. Potong kereta aku yakin, bikin program aku yakin, reka litar aku yakin, jawab soalan dekat depan secara solo pun aku yakin, bidas lecturer pun aku yakin, makin nasi lauk apa hari ni tak payah cerita lah aku punya yakin tahap mana.

Yakin macam mana pun aku, masih ada satu benda lagi yang aku tak yakin. Benda ni juga buat pendirian aku goyah tiap kali. Memang bukan mudah untuk 'beginner'. Usia dah makin ditelan zaman pun masih 'beginner'. Budak sekarang darjah enam pun dah berani pilih option 'veteran'. Macam celaka. Kalaulah aku boleh nampak sebarang signal untuk proceed, dah lama aku proceed. Masalah nya satu desibel desir pun aku tak dapat tangkap.

Jam pun dah pukul 4 pagi. Proposal pun dari tadi aku tangguh. Esok nak kena present. Pejam mata la aku present esok kalau macam ni.

"Gua memang suka letop." - Kuntil Midon.

Obnoxious.

It really does make me wonder. Why does everyone desperately seeks for perfection? And in the end they would rather not said what they really seek was indeed a bloody perfection. Talking about love, it is very subjective. So subtle you can't make up any good answer. So whats with perfection? When nothing is perfect then you insist me on trying.

Don't bullshit me my dear. If I'm so naive, so what does that make you? The one who insist for a deniable perfection. We are human on earth, whether we realize it or not, were really hardly keep trying everyday. But I'm a realist. I wouldn't go for it if I'm sure it won't work. Oh dear, am I living in my comfort zone so that I should be left alone. WTF?

I really hate these so called 'Alice'. Whining to every single dissatisfaction but wouldn't accept any people suggestion. She is right, she is absolute, she is a fucking genius. What is wrong with these people? They really can't accept the naked truth. Too much of fairy tales I guess. Finally the princess win and live happily ever after. Does she really think that was a happy ending?

I'm not trying to be negative. But try to accept the truth. Your demand is too high it made my eyes went blind. And I rather will not stand by your words, so I interfere. Finally I did lost for words cause she a fucking genius with a tongue of a snake. Every single words kept piercing right into me. Before I become an uncivilized asshole, I raised my white flag. Maybe I will bother you again in your next whining. Be prepare, I will take no prisoner this time.

I'm such a fool didn't I?

"The way I'm thinking in different shades of grey." - Silverchair, The Man That Knew Too Much.

Ongkos Minyak Darab Dua.

Gua ingat gua nak cipta enjin pakai air sirap lepas grad nanti.

Berabuk Skipping Lon-don.

Ada satu hari tu, aku palat gila dengan sorang minah dalam fesbuk. Orang dah dua tiga komen cakap melayu, dia belasah cakap inggeris. Last sekali entah apa pasal dia sentap, dia kutuk semua orang dalam inggeris juga. Bukan main lagi skipping london dia tu. Apa dah tak reti nak cakap melayu ke apa? Serius gua tak kagum langsung lu cakap inggeris. Aku saja tak balas cakap inggeris, biar dia sedar sikit yang dia tu Melayu makan belacan.

Oleh kerana palat, aku pun post status begini, 'Gua tak respek langsung orang Melayu cakap inggeris sama gua'. Aku pun tak rasional juga post macam tu. Ada lah juga sorang mamat sentap tengok post aku. Siap balas dalam post status dia, 'I used to speaks english everyday. So if you're not satisfied, grow some balls and talk to me directly'. Lebih kurang macam tu la ayat dia. Aku tak ingat sangat tapi aku dapat bajet dia sentap dengan statement aku. Apa lagi, kalau aku tak reply post dia karang, tak ada 'balls' pulak aku kan. Jadi dengan konfiden nya reply balik post dia. Aku terangkan sebab aku post dan aku minta maaf kalau terasa. Dia tak reply balik. Ceh, suruh orang grow some balls sendiri tak ada balls nak reply balik. Baik gua tak payah minta maaf kalau macam tu. Lu tak reply tanda lu betul punya ignore sama gua. Paling kurang pun kalau lu reply tak puas hati sama gua, gua boleh terima lagi. Ini senyap. Suruh orang grow some balls, balls lu sendiri kecut. Pigi dah.

Aku bukan apa, aku cukup palat tengok anak bangsa sendiri tak hormat bahasa sendiri. Kalau orang berbahasa melayu dengan kau, kau jangan lah mengada-ngada nak cakap inggeris. Kadang-kadang kita ni sebenarnya segan nak cakap yang kita ni tak reti speaking, sendiri faham lah. Jangan nak berlagak sangat. Kalau orang macam gua ni lain lah, boleh la juga speaking sikit. Tapi gua sebenarnya gua lagi suka cakap melayu. Kalau dah keliling gua cakap inggeris takkan gua nak cakap melayu juga, ye tak?

Ha, baru gua teringat dulu ada sorang makwe gua nak try sembang. Gua saja speaking. Tak jadi sembang mat. Kalau gua fikir-fikir balik, gua rasa macam celaka pun ada. kalau bahasa inggeris dia, douchebag. Sejak insiden itu hari gua dah tak berapa nak kagum sangat skipping london, walaupun gua tau kalau terer skipping london ni, konklusi dia adalah, 'chicks dig it!'. Betul gua tak tipu. Lu buka la fesbuk tu. Kalau ada mamat yang layan novel inggeris sepanjang hidup dia, dan bila dia post something dalam inggeris, tiga empat chicks akan tekan option 'like' dan kasi komen tak ada kena mengena dengan status atau tak reti macam mana nak reply balik ayat masyuk mamat berkenaan. Ah, sudahlah. At least if you can reflect back on his words or give something that level with his thought, you should be worth it to be called an educated women. Perempuan macam tu serius gua respek. Tak mengada-ngada.

Tadi pun, gua ada selongkar kerja-kerja lama sepanjang aku belajar ni. Sedar-sedar dah dua tahun lebih aku belajar kat sini. Allhamdulillah la semua berjalan lancar. Aku pun dah serik dengan kegagalan lama. Sampai bila lagi kita nak hidup bawah roda. Kadang-kadang nak juga rasa duduk di atas. Selongkar punya selongkar, aku jumpa dua ketul slide presentation aku dulu. Satu slide professional communication, satu lagi slide technoprenuer. Dua-dua aku ada kasi present. Skipping London lah bai. Masa ni, aku rasa aku tengah semester tiga. Banyak budak kelas baru. Tak berapa nak rapat sangat masa ni. Baru kenal. Dua semester sebelum tu pun aku masih tak bercampur sangat. Hati masih dekat MMU lagi. Nak buat macam mana. Aku dapat rasa lah masa aku present tu macam budak kelas tumpu habis dekat aku. Cuak gila cakap lu. Apa pasal present budak lain lu orang boleh bantai tidur, time gua pula lu orang jaga? Sebab paling kukuh yang dapat gua fikir, dia orang tak boleh terima kutu macam gua boleh skipping london.

Gua sedar, kutu macam gua ni mana nak campur dengan budak high class. Tapi lepas present tu sampai sekarang gua rasa selesa berkawan dengan classmate gua. Semua pun kutu macam gua juga. Lu orang mesti pernah dengar, 'You never get a second chance to make a first impression'. Atau quote yang lebih kurang sama lah. Gua tahu semua benda tu, tapi gua saja suka serabai. Baju seluar semua bundle. Kasut season. Jam putus berseletep sekarang dah retak pula. Rambut panjang tak reti sikat. Gua bukan apa, gua fikir selagi gua tak berduit sendiri, gua tak akan belanja duit gua untuk barang-barang mahal semua ni. Kereta gua pun gua tak make-up. Nak tukar enjin Evo, nak masuk turbo jauh sekali. Duit gua mantain kereta tu bulan-bulan ada lah. Lain-lain gua perhabis dekat makan nasi sama rokok. Dan kadang- kadang karok.

Tapi nak buat macam mana kan? kalau orang mula-mula tu dah tengok lu macam kutu, orang takkan expect langsung yang lu ni 'civil'. Nasib baik badan gua tak kurus, kalau tak mesti orang dah cop gua mat dadah. Satu saja benda gua pegang dari dulu sampai sekarang, lu pandang serong sama gua sekarang, lagi dua tiga tahun lu tengok gua macam mana rupa. Masa tu kalau lu baru tiba-tiba nak buat baik sama gua, lu silap besar.

"Apa dulu kau tak pergi sekolah ka? Kau tak boleh eja ini ha? Sheriff lah." - Sheriff Labi, Labu Labi.

Notis Untuk Keturunan Ke-4.

Kepada waris aku,

Sila hantar secepat mungkin seekor robot kucing kaler biru pada aku.
Sila isi poket dia dengan alat-alat berguna.
Dan hantar dia ke mana-mana hari dalam tahun 2009.
Sekian, terima kasih.

p/s: sila keluar dari laci meja ruang tamu dan bukan laci meja bilik aku.

Yang Serius,
Kuntil Midon.

"Hajimete kimi to shabetta.." - GAGAGA SP, Hajimete kimi to shabetta.

Sebelum Saya Suka Lobak.

Hari gua kelas separuh hari. Masa gua dalam kelas, baru gua punya talipon sudah kena block. Gua dah bajet benda ni akan berlaku. Tapi gua punya bajet 3 bulan lepas lah, masa gua selesai bayar bil tertunggak untuk 3 bulan sebelumnya. Tak apa, gua tenang. Habis saja kelas, gua terus gerak Kajang. Ada pos laju gua kena kutip. Abah gua bilang, kalau gua ada sign saman, jangan pergi ambil. Sebab gua pemandu berhemah, gua konfiden itu bukan surat saman.

Sampai saja di Kajang, gua parking mana patut dan bergegas ke pejabat pos. Gua menuju ke kaunter tingkap sambil hulur kertas pos laju. Sekali akak kaunter tu buka laci kabinet dia dan selak-selak surat yang ada. Celaka, kes sama semua ni. Aku ingat surat 10 tahun lepas pun ada. Lepas gua dapat surat, gua rasa serabai gila. Surat claim hutang lagi rupanya. Gua ada hutang besar sama Telekom yang gua dah lama lupa.

Sepanjang perjalanan gua pulang ke rumah, gua terbayang zaman gua hidup sebagai loser dulu. Walaupun gua rasa hidup gua dah kembali ke jalan asal, macam mana punya lurus pun jalan hidup gua, kadang-kadang gua akan tersadung juga. Sebelum gua balik rumah, gua singgah Celcom service center. Gua malas nak bayar online, karang jenuh kena menalipon operator dia kasi unblock gua punya line. Gua tunggu punya tunggu, sudahnya akak kaunter tu angkat satu papan notis. 'SERVER DOWN'.

Gua hampir-hampir nak batal puasa hari ni.

Langit tak selalu cerah.

Siri Bercakap Dengan Dinding.

Macam celaka.

Aku dah pesan berapa kali dah. Tak dibuat juga. Nak tunggu aku mengamuk macam king kong ke baru kau nak buat? Orang cakap elok-elok tak mau dengar. Takkan nak kena berkasar? Nanti aku cuka kau pun cuka. Dalam satu hari tu agaknya, apa lah yang sibuk sangat sampai dah dekat setahun benda ni tak di buat-buat? Benda kecil pun susah sangat ke nak kasi settle. Yang part kena bayarnya kau keluar lah duit kau. Sendiri pakai sendiri bayar lah.

Tapi betullah apa orang kata, teman gelak senang dicari, teman sedih entah ke mana. Berat sangat ke kerja yang aku suruh. Kalau tak libatkan aku tak apa. Ni aku rasa sudahnya aku juga yang kena buat sendiri. Nak settle hutang pun karang silap haribulan duit aku juga. Kau betul buat aku kurang pahala puasa hari ni. Hati aku dah cukup panas ni.

Sorang-sorang tak boleh harap.

Voice Over Shite.

Sally finally received the letter which Jack wrote for her 40 years ago. She rub the dust on the envelope and opened the letter. As soon she began to read it, a 25 year old Jack started to reappear in her memory as she started to reminisce the way Jack used to be. *Voice over of the letter begin.*

This voice over shite definitely a genius metaphor fantasize by the director. I didn't know who started the trend but it is definitely great thing since it can created a cliche in film industries. Anyway, I started to think about this stuff because of a message that I received earlier this morning. I was half asleep and seems to fantasize about the way of the sender used to talk. As if he talks directly to me. And it suddenly started to creep me out...somehow.

How about this, oh fellow young director, how about make a voice over scene in such an awkward situation? A simple one like these;

Midon felt that his butt is heavier than usual today. However, because of last night Midon got a motivational talk by his superior, today he rise with the new spirit of steels. Against all odds, Midon bravely started his car early in the morning just to fought for his cause. After about an hour journey to the rendezvous point, Midon received a long elaborate e-mail by his tactical leader. As Midon began to read the message, the image of his tactical leader appear clearly on Midon's head as if his leader tried to convey a secret tactical espionage message to him.

*Voice over begin*

"Attention to all troops, today meeting is canceled due to our rendezvous point is currently under a serious heavy attack by a group of suicidal architect. Apparently, we had orders to add a nice hot spa in our camp. BUT! I have a special tasks for all of you. There's a huge pile of report needed to be done in HQ. Please headed there pronto and finish it ASAP!"

Midon suddenly felt like a real bloody fart and begin to change his course to a nearby strip club instead of the headquarters.

"I only dream of you, and you never knew." - Muse, Sing for Absolution.

QWERTY Habit.

Sometimes people ask, did I own a blog. I will most definitely answered no. Then what exactly the point of publishing gibberish thought to the world if I don't tell anyone about it? My reason are simple, this is a new revolution for 'speaking to wall' habit. You know, I figured that I spent my whole life up until now for not speaking my words. I pretty much bottled it inside. Even though I had a huge lung capacity to sing Amuk's or Slipknot's song, I never used it in my daily conversation. You know when you're supposed to voice out something but then you did voice it out but just the tone wasn't high enough and you're end up being ignored which basically you didn't care or you just being a wuss.

I am most definitely admired people with high tones. Even the whole room can heard them whisper. So basically these kind of people is hard to ignored. The power that I wish I had. Well, I know for a fact that the power of money speaks louder than words but when you're still a student or a modern slaves, it is practically useless if you were never born from the upper side family. And I believe that kind of power is rarely applied around my neck. And that is why I wrote all these shit since I knew it could never happen.

How did I felt when someone mentioned about the existence of my blog? Flattery and creepy at the same time. It creeps me out because suddenly I felt that I am just like a book who can be read easily by others and I am so not a mystery anymore. And because I keeps everything on the D.L, plus a weird pseudonym, no one besides the close one did ever find out about my blog. And I'm not a chicks magnet so I'm quite relieved that I am not psychologically forced to change my writing style. If that ever happen (chick's flood), I think I couldn't bear thinking and imagining a whole lot of scenario thus resolute me to change my writing style to a more fancy G-rated style. Ah, hello Disney!

I had a complicated ways of thinking. When I said that I considered all the scenario, in actuality I really did that. I blamed myself for thinking too deeply while practicing Math. I sort of started to calculate the percentage in all my decision. Except for the small one of course. You know when I am in a really uncomfortable conversation, I sort off can see the happiness graph besides their heads. You know to increase the bar I should tackle a few question which I know will work out the conversation but since I didn't had the harmonic tone ability, it most definitely end up in the slum. That's is why I keep quiet every time I feel awkward because I know that everything I said wasn't gonna work. Oh god, spare me some creativity and intelligence.

"Who would buy tickets for an event which happened yesterday?
...Time Travellers." - Dennis and Gordon, Run Fatboy Run.

Radiohead - Just.

Kau orang pernah tengok video clip Just? Band Radiohead punya lagu. Aku rasa nak letak video tu kat sini, tapi selepas aku berfikir selama dua tiga saat aku dah rasa give up. Jadi kau orang cari sendiri lah dalam Youtube. Tengok dulu sekali lalu, kalau tak faham tengok sekali lagi, Kalau bengap sangat tak payah tengok. Buat perabis beras Cap Rambutan Jalaludin Hassan saja.

Apa kau pikir masa tengok video ni? Kau pikir apa yang brader tengah baring atas jalan tu cerita? Habis cerita, semua join brader tu baring atas jalan. Kalau dari segi imaginasi aku lah, brader tu macam dah dapat tahu atau dapat rasai satu kebenaran yang membuatkan brader tu sentap tiba-tiba. Tapi sebab brader tu 'founder' rahsia tu, maka dia pun ambil masa yang agak lama lah juga nak kasi telan semua. Tu yang jadi menung masa mandi, menung masa pakai baju dan last sekali baring atas jalan sambil menung. Macam segala harapan untuk hidup dah musnah sama sekali. Yang mendengar gorengan brader baring tu pun semua boleh jadi percaya. Orang UK patut undi brader tu jadi presiden. Konfem aman UK. Tak pun jahanam terus sebab semua jadi pemalas dan suka baring atas jalan.

Berbalik pada tujuan asal brader baring tersebut. Bagi teori permulaan, mungkin dia baru patah hati, putus cinta. Makwe beliau sangat 'Angel' sampai kan dia mengalami kemurungan kerana tidak dapat menghubungi syurga untuk membuat laporan kehilangan makwe kerana talian syurga 'engage' 7 hari 7 malam. Dan secara tak sengaja, brader tersadung tu pun baru 'clash'. begitu juga brader polis dan juga brader sistah yang lain. Lantas brader Thom Yorke pun berkata dari tingkat lima,

"Bollocks! Just because they've lost their bird that doesn't mean they could be lying on the fucking pavement! What a bloody twat!".

Teori kedua, Sebab brader baring ni dah angin satu badan pasal bebudak Radiohead duduk jamming kat rumah dia dua puluh empat jam. Lepas mandi pakai baju apa semua, dia nak pergi balai buat laporan. Tapi masa tengah jalan tu beliau mengalami kekejangan otot yang amat sangat lalu mengambil keputusan untuk baring serta merta. Dan apabila ditanya oleh brader sadung, brader polis dan brader sistah, beliau pun 'explain' kenapa. Habis 'explain' mereka semua turut tumbang kerana turut mengalamai masalah kekejangan otot tahap kritikal. Lantas brader Thom Yorke menjengah seraya menjerit,

"Oi mates! We've spread enough of swine flu right here! Lets get the fuck outta here before we get nicked".

Teori terakhir. Brader baring cukup terkesima selepas menerima satu telegram dari sahabat baik beliau. Menurut isi kandung telegram tersebut, sahabat baik nya kini sudah pun memiliki sebuah Bugatti Veyron. Oleh kerana brader baring amat lurus orang nya, maka dia terus percaya. Puas dia memikirkan bagaimana seorang student engineering berjaya memiliki sebuah Bugatti Veyron dalam usia yang sangat muda. Dia jual dadah ke? Dia buat MLM ke? Argh! Kusut fikiran brader baring. Jadi beliau pun terus baring atas jalan sambil meneruskan pemikiran beliau. Dan selepas disoal siasat brader sadung, brader polis dan brader sistah, mereka terus menunjukkan simpati dengan kebendulan brader baring dengan cara 'join' baring sekali untuk berfikir. Orang UK ni sangat 'caring' sebenarnya. Ada yang lain tu mengambil kesempatan sebab nanti boleh masuk berita acara pecah rekod dunia baring beramai-ramai atas jalan. Lantas Thom Yorke pun menjengah kepalanya keluar tingkap bersama 'bandmates' nya yang lain seraya berkata,

"Holy Shit! Oi Midon! You fucking liar! Look what've you done to them! You fucking tosser!".

"Comes like a comet, suckered you but not your friend." - Radiohead, Just.